Thanks to Martyn from StitchThat (a London-based film company) who just sent me a link to this video i didn’t know existed til now! This was shot right after my show at the B&B Reebok Pump Up 20th Anniversary Party >> Have fun drooling over the gorgeous pumps, and watch my messy self @ 3:35, y’all.
p/s: that gorgeous skirt is a sequined disco high-waisted skirt from Topshop, ZE! earrings i made myself, keyboard’s yamaha, smiley necklace from OSIXNINE, neon taped Xs from a stationary shop, black masquerade mask from a fashion party in Berlin, yellow gloves from London, pink heels from OSIXNINE, attitude is model’s own.
I found out about his death in the most bizarre way – it was seconds after i finished my first show in berlin during my tour. I was catching up on my breath, all sweaty and excited. My friend came running and shouted at the top of his lungs ‘Michael Jackson died!’, and i thought he meant the show was SO good that MJ died so i laughed and said thanks. And then, it wasn’t funny.
I didn’t cry and haven’t really been hit by his absence until today when i saw the documentary. Like most of my peers, i grew up to his music and know every ‘woo’ and ‘hee hee’s in his songs. I guess a lot of people think he’s a freak, and unlike most people, he is genuine and i feel that i understand where he’s coming from. He chose the life he lived, and people see that wanting to be legendary as a selfish thing. When in fact, it’s truly selfless. It’s not always about the money and fame, you know. Michael could’ve lead a completely different life but had he done so, we would’ve not been able to enjoy his music, his vision, his greatness. Sadly, in doing so it seemed as tho he didn’t find the happiness other people enjoy like a happy childhood and a happy marriage. I find it scary that amazing people like Oprah, Madonna and MJ seem to have that similarity and i wonder why.
I wonder what thoughts he had at night before he goes to sleep; what bothered him and what kept him happy. I wonder if he kept a diary like I do. I wonder why he still felt insecure when he is who he is. But maybe, it is because of all this pressure that he’s had to live with that makes him second to none. Most of all, i love that even at 50 he’s still a kid at heart. So, yup, I went to the cinema all excited to watch him in action and was prepared to be inspired – but when i left, it was with great sadness and a heavy heart.\\
? In Our Darkest Hour In My Deepest Despair Will You Still Care? Will You Be There? In My Trials And My Tribulations Through Our Doubts And Frustrations In My Violence In My Turbulence Through My Fear And My Confessions In My Anguish And My Pain Through My Joy And My Sorrow In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow I’ll Never Let You Part For You’re Always In My Heart.
i’ve always thought fashion designers were very cool, if not the coolest. Except i’ve recently begun to realize that this isn’t always true and maybe only applies to the designers i happen to look up to. Or perhaps i have the wrong definition of ‘cool’. Anyhoo, I noticed this when i was at berlin’s bread & butter in July where I was so excited to visit the tradeshow and be amongst designers and fashion-y people and some of my friends were put off by them because they were, well, all fashion-y. I was quite surprised to find how irritated they were by these people and i thought ‘ so in that case, you guys find me annoying as well?’. It was up until when we went to this fashion-y party later that night where only the fashion-y people were being invited – it struck me as to how boring designers can actually be. My friends already getting annoyed from the moment we stepped in the door by everybody in there; young designers all in black or other colours that blend in with the furniture, sitting down enjoying their drinks and staring into space with expensive drinks in their hands – supposedly looking very ‘chic’, all of them. This in a lay low setting, cheap couches and a good electro dj spinning in the corner. Am i amongst zombies? What’s a party if not to burn the dancefloor, people? They seem like they were all too artsy to actually be moved by music which makes complete sense. Not. So I guess wacky designers I love like Betsey Johnson are the absolute rare ones – which is probably what would make me kill for her designs. Ain’t saying that they should go away, because it’s with the existence of designers like these that make the ones that are truly different stand out. I mean, i’m sure there are loads of people who love zombie clothing – they’d be the ones ‘looking good’ by the bar and never be seen burning the dancefloors like they should.
Cant believe i left just 3 weeks ago, feels like it’s been ages. Spent my last night in berlin at Minibar with philipp and paul (aka Ben Mono) with whom I might collab on a track with. Paul’s music rocks socks so check his myspace out!
Philipp and I modeled some tees designed by the Hot Cheese Crew. Shot in Berlin by photographer Alex Schneider. Oh, I would love to be a model, make millions and have free clothes thrown at, except I forget I aint a 5’8. Boo!
i want to do this forever. The past few weeks have brought me up and pulled me down, it has gotten me excited and it has killed me, but most importantly i feel so alive. Took the train from Berlin to Amsterdam alone today and it was a nice journey with me sleeping like a cat having 2 seats all to myself. I guess i wont be doing the show tonight so I may go check out lady Santi at paradiso later. Yayness! My fickle-minded clown will be joining me tomorrow, which should be nothing short of entertaining.
we’re back in Berlin. Waking up has been painful ever since i got here, hoping it gets easier but it hasn’t. I don’t want to leave but I eventually will have to and I should get over this. Peejay’s leaving today and another friend’s joining me from Denmark in a few hours. I’m looking forward to the 16th for this – take me away to a land that’s muggle-free.
Oh I feel so lazy.
p/s: we stole a rubber duckie from the hotel. it was too cute! i’m gonna name her whoopsie.